True confidence comes from an understanding of yourself that only you can define, but is often a result of how we think other people perceive us.
Confident people feel good about themselves, happy to be in their own skin, problems arise when the pendulum starts moving in either direction, from just being unsure of yourself to feeling totally unworthy and at the other end of the spectrum having an inflated ego usually at someone else’s expense.
Being human implies that we learn, grow and develop and make mistakes. Our confidence grows when we believe that the mistakes we make lead us to better outcomes.
How we relate to ourselves is important, whether we blame ourselves, call ourselves names and in any other way engage in negative self talk can impact the degree of confidence we have.
We find confidence when we learn something new, gain a new skill, master a new task or become an expert in our field. We lose confidence when the feedback we are getting from others does not match how we feel inside.
It can start very early on in life when despite being born with a healthy dose of confidence and self esteem we start believing the criticism of our parents, teachers and other important people to be a true reflection of who we are.
The red pen markings on our assignment don’t mean we are bad or stupid or unworthy, it only means that we made a mistake, but for so many people this simple feedback determines how they feel about themselves, how they talk to themselves and how they compare with others.
Comparing yourself to others or to a perfect image or ideal is never helpful for a solid degree of confidence and self esteem. Why? Because you are comparing apples with oranges. There is only one person you can truly compare yourself to, yes you got it right, it is you.
How are you tracking in relation to the goals you set for yourself? How are you feeling about yourself, how do you talk to yourself? What do you see in the mirror is all that matters when it comes to the true confidence.
True confidence does not require you to put other people down or to seek approval for every step you want to take, true confidence offers you support and deeper knowledge that no matter what challenges come your way you can deal with them and change things over time.
True confidence is feeling that you yourself can be your best friend, trusting that you are a good person and worthy of attention and respect. It takes away the need to seek others to confirm who you are.
It requires forgiveness and kindness that we so easily show towards other people and often find it difficult to express towards ourselves hurting and disconnecting our inner self.
Finding true confidence is like finding yourself in a treasure cave – wherever you look, whatever you touch is so precious, so natural and so easily available all you have to do is just keep it that way, look after it, polish it, make it shine, show it respect and carry it with you, always.
Anya Hadley runs Positive Coaching & Therapy. Email: change@positivecoaching.com.au
