To start 2014, we have drawn insights from experts in the US and Australia.
American psychotherapist and licensed clinical social worker Amy Morin probably didn’t expect her contribution to self improvement blog, Lifehack, to become instantly popular.
It did and to date, Morin’s list of ‘13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do’ it has been shared more than 700,000 times and is now one of Lifehack’s all-time most popular items.
But finding its way into the network of US business news and content giant, Forbes, the same day, transformed it into a viral sensation. A week into the New Year, almost eight million people had read Forbes’ adaptation of Morin’s work.
In this special report we provide you Morin’s brilliant list along with the “five powerful exercises to increase your mental strength” that she showcased for Forbes after being invited to contribute a guest post.
Finally, if you’re wondering why mental toughness is so important for high achievers, whether in business or sport, one of Australia’s foremost experts on mental strength, Dr Cory Middleton, lays out some contextual foundations on the subject.
When Amy Morin’s Lifehack blog entry appeared on November 18, 2012, it broadly resonated with readers, including Forbe’s contributor, Cheryl Conner, who adapted the piece with a business interpretation for each of the 13 items in the list, and published it the same day.
“I loved Amy’s comparison of emotional maturity to physical muscles,” Conner wrote.“I expected 10-20,000 readers would love it as well. I did not anticipate what happened next.
“Millions have read, thousands have shared and hundreds have commented on the ways they’ve been inspired and encouraged by the way Amy’s list distilled a complex theme to its essence.”
Morin says mentally strong people have healthy habits and manage their emotions, thoughts, and behaviours in ways that set them up for success in life.
She asks that you consider the following list of traits and characteristics of mentally strong people – and specifically what they don’t do – to assist in becoming more mentally strong.Here is the list:
1. They don’t waste time feeling sorry for themselves.
Mentally strong people don’t sit around feeling sorry about their circumstances or how others have treated them. Instead, they take responsibility for their role in life and understand that life isn’t always easy or fair.
2. They don’t give away their power.
They don’t allow others to control them, and they don’t give someone else power over them. They don’t say things like, “My boss makes me feel bad,” because they understand that they are in control over their own emotions and they have a choice in how they respond.
3. They don’t shy away from change.
Mentally strong people don’t try to avoid change. Instead, they welcome positive change and are willing to be flexible. They understand that change is inevitable and believe in their abilities to adapt.
4. They don’t waste energy on things they can’t control.
You won’t hear a mentally strong person complaining over lost luggage or traffic jams. Instead, they focus on what they can control in their lives. They recognize that sometimes, the only thing they can control is their attitude.
5. They don’t worry about pleasing everyone.
Mentally strong people recognize that they don’t need to please everyone all the time. They’re not afraid to say no or speak up when necessary. They strive to be kind and fair, but can handle other people being upset if they didn’t make them happy.
6. They don’t fear taking calculated risks.
They don’t take reckless or foolish risks, but don’t mind taking calculated risks. Mentally strong people spend time weighing the risks and benefits before making a big decision, and they’re fully informed of the potential downsides before they take action.
7. They don’t dwell on the past.
Mentally strong people don’t waste time dwelling on the past and wishing things could be different. They acknowledge their past and can say what they’ve learned from it. However, they don’t constantly relive bad experiences or fantasize about the glory days. Instead, they live for the present and plan for the future.
8. They don’t make the same mistakes over and over.
Mentally strong people accept responsibility for their behaviour and learn from their past mistakes. As a result, they don’t keep repeating those mistakes over and over. Instead, they move on and make better decisions in the future.
9. They don’t resent other people’s success.
Mentally strong people can appreciate and celebrate other people’s success in life. They don’t grow jealous or feel cheated when others surpass them. Instead, they recognize that success comes with hard work, and they are willing to work hard for their own chance at success.
10. They don’t give up after the first failure.
Mentally strong people don’t view failure as a reason to give up. Instead, they use failure as an opportunity to grow and improve. They are willing to keep trying until they get it right.
11. They don’t fear alone time.
Mentally strong people can tolerate being alone and they don’t fear silence. They aren’t afraid to be alone with their thoughts and they can use downtime to be productive. They enjoy their own company and aren’t dependent on others for companionship and entertainment all the time but instead can be happy alone.
12. They don’t feel the world owes them anything.
Mentally strong people don’t feel entitled to things in life. They weren’t born with a mentality that others would take care of them or that the world must give them something. Instead, they look for opportunities based on their own merits.
13. They don’t expect immediate results.
Mentally strong people don't expect immediate results. Instead, they apply their skills and time to the best of their ability and understand that real change takes time.
Amy Morin: Five powerful exercises to increase your mental strength
“It’s about establishing healthy habits and choosing to devote your time and energy to self-improvement.” Morin says many exercises exist that can help you develop mental strength, but the following five are a good start:
1. Evaluate your core beliefs.
Identify and evaluate your core beliefs. Look for beliefs that are black and white, and then find exceptions to the rule. Very few things in life are “always” or “never” true. Modifying core beliefs requires purposeful intention and hard work, but it can change the entire course of your life.
2. Expend your mental energy wisely.
Save your mental energy for productive tasks, such as solving problems or setting goals. When your thoughts aren’t productive, make a conscious effort to shift your mental energy to more helpful topics. The more you practice expending your mental energy wisely, the more it will become a habit.
3. Replace negative thoughts with productive thoughts.
Identify and replace overly negative thoughts with thoughts that are more productive. Productive thoughts don’t need to be extremely positive, but should be realistic. A more balanced thought may be, “I have some weaknesses, but I also have plenty of strengths.” Changing your thoughts requires constant monitoring, but the process can be instrumental in helping you become your best self.
4. Practice tolerating discomfort.
Practice behaving like the person you’d like to become. Instead of saying, “I wish I could be more outgoing,” choose to behave in a more outgoing manner, whether you feel like it or not. Some discomfort is often necessary for greater gain, and tolerating that discomfort will help make your vision a reality, one small step at a time.
5. Reflect on your progress daily.
Developing mental strength is a work in progress. There is always room for improvement, and at times this will seem more difficult than at other times. Reflecting upon your progress can reinforce your ability to reach your definition of success while living according to your values.
Dr Cory Middleton: Tips for coping under pressure and achieving optimal performance.
Focus your energy on the things you can control; Focusing on your inputs puts you in the best possible place to achieve the desired outputs
• Continue to ask yourself ‘what is possible?’ Let the curiosity of this question fuel you. Look to step it up regularly.
• Judge your success by the quality of your execution rather than the result itself.
• Purposefully step outside your comfort zone to build a bank of toughening experiences.
• Confidence comes from preparation. Use a structured approach to plan your out a thorough preparation.
• Take the time to choose your response rather than reacting to circumstances; reactions are based on emotion, responses are based on considered thought.
• Watch your language. Actively move away from the language of blaming towards ‘aiming’ clearly at what you want instead.
• Chunk it down. Break bigger tasks down into smaller bite size components. They are more manageable, less anxiety provoking, and focus us on mastery of our inputs.
• Adopt a learning mindset. Continue to be a student of your profession. Thrive on every learning experience (positive or negative).
• In the heat of the moment, thrive on the question ‘what could be good about this?’
