Listening to the opinions of others more than ourselves is like looking behind your shoulder. That is when we lose our personal power leading to dissatisfaction and unhappiness.
According to the palliative care records published by the Hay House, amongst the top regrets of people who are about to die are: the wish to have the courage to live a life true to themselves, not the life others expected of them; the wish to express their feelings and the wish to let themselves be happier. Why not make the decision now to reclaim your life?
Being true to yourself can often be hindered by worrying about what other people may think of you. Have you been making too many compromises? Have you been trying to take care of everybody at work and at home forgetting about yourself?
In our desire to be accepted and fit in we often suppress our needs and true feelings as the internal sensor eats away at our personality.
We think that we should be happy and we are not, the long awaited holiday comes and goes without giving us the satisfaction and excitement we expected.
We feel powerless to change the important aspects of our lives. To understand what needs to change we sometimes have to trace back to what we learned about ourselves in the past.
Somehow we give our power away. When we are born into this world we are winners – we made it here and we feel great.
Then we start our journey where our parents tell us what we did wrong. They have the best intentions to correct the mistakes and support our learning but often contribute to our feelings of not being worthy.
Furthermore, when we go to school teachers again point out our mistakes, often with a red pen, which we may interpret as us not being good enough.
Our personal power escapes us as we believe other people especially those in authority, more than we believe ourselves, and allow the opinions of others to influence how we feel and what we think about ourselves.
Listening to feedback and developing our personality are necessary steps on a long journey of growth and personal evolution.
There is a fine line however, between taking it on board and accepting their opinions unquestionably because any opinion is just that – a subjective point of view.
Everyone is entitled to have an opinion in today’s world, are they not?
Our perceptions are coloured by our unique experience, thoughts and feelings. What people think of you can reflect more about them than you.
For example, when you watch a movie with a group of people and talk about it at the end, have you ever noticed how each person may remember vividly a theme or a scene that totally passed you by as if you have watched a completely different movie?
Following what other people expect of you does not allow you to be true to yourself which in time creates the feeling of discontent.
The journey of reclaiming one’s own power takes time as you learn to recognise the signals of discontent.
When something is not working right go inside and connect with the core of your being. What makes you who you are today? What gives you joy and satisfaction?
Many successful people struggle to fully enjoy their success because they feel not worthy, not good enough, like a fraud, or numb their feelings to such an extent that they become similar to robots adding to the dissatisfaction and unhappiness.
Very early on in life we learn to hide our true emotions and become masters of suppression – “I am not angry”, “ I am not upset”, “everything is fine” are some of the defences we adopt.
On the opposite side, uncontrollable emotions express themselves as aggression, inability to compromise and discomfort.
The true balance lies in the middle. When you can be honest with yourself and recognise how you feel it becomes so much easier to centre yourself and relate well to people.
Expressing your needs is another key to empowerment. You can start by simply telling the people around you what you need.
Our needs to be loved, listened to, included and connected, are all essential and legitimate needs. If you never expressed them how would people around you know what you are missing?
Asking for a hug from your kids may seem strange but if it is missing from your life how powerful would it be to receive what you desire and what would give you that happy feeling?
Explaining to the colleagues why you are saying NO may seem scary at first but once you try to be honest with others, they would understand and respect your request, and if they don’t – maybe something needs to change.
The journey of reclaiming one’s own power may be uneasy and painful but when you finally arrive at a point of understanding and being true to yourself in all aspects of your life, the rewards and satisfaction are immense.
Contact Anya at: change@positivecoaching.com.au
